25 (Little-Known) Uses for Custom Warning Labels
By: Naomi J. Golbeck, Decals.com Staff Writer
Let’s face it, warning labels are like the adults in the room.
They’re slapped on everything from toasters to skid steers, the latter making some sense, of course. But you already know that coffee is piping hot and combine spikes aren’t jungle gyms!
I’ve compiled this helpful list of things that don’t yet have warning labels, but probably should. Read on so you can live a long, happy, life, free from danger!
Let's dive right in! (Warning: No Lifeguard on Duty).
Warning: Sharp. May also cause pause and retrospection.
2. Bees, wasps & hornets
Warning: Also sharp and very mobile, they will work in groups and some may even produce honey.
3. Disney Movies
Warning: These films contain crack-level addicting tunes, runaway trains of plotless sequels and they seldom include a mother figure.
4. Underbrush in every living forest in the world
Warning: Underbrush is a probable source of fire, and may also contain rattlesnakes. Shudder.
Warning: The wrath of God can cause fire, electrocution, and epiphany. Watch out for this flashy sky night-light.
Warning: Rain hazards include flooding, drowning, and wiping out the impure as well as the Giants.
It may also result in rainbows as a reminder of God’s eternal promise not to Genesis 6 humanity again—with a flood anyway.
Warning: Dobies contain possible death by cuteness. They also have the tendency to be velcro-dogs and use their velvety snouts to push you right out of bed in the middle of the night. THUMP.
Warning: The predictable unpredictability of the game of golf can cause acute psychosis, and also lead golfers into temptation and to commit the sins of drunkenness, envy & deceit.
“Hey Roy, I made birdies on the last 9 holes! Never even lost a ball, it was the darndest thing! Have you seen the drink-cart gal? Beers empty again.” - Jerry, six Coors in swinging his lucky putter
Warning: Heart attacks are possible for claustrophobics and mainly sensible people that just don't like feeling trapped inside a dangling metal box.
Elevators can also cause an unnatural urge to reenact scenes from “Die Hard”, so watch out for that.
Warning: It is extremly slippery and can cause auto-accidents and broken hips—and thoughts of Val Kilmer.
“You’re dangerous.” - Iceman, Top Gun
11. Paring knives
Warning: This little knife is sharp like a scalpel and hooked like a velociraptor claw. A lot could go wrong with these, so be careful!
Warning: These kind old broads (no, not Debbie Reynolds) tend to over feed EVERYONE. They’re also known to spoil grand-babies and give love unconditionally.
Use extra caution around handmade wool sweaters because they may result in suffocation.
“Do ya want seconds on the pot roast, dear? You’re looking too skinny.” - Grandma Marge, delicately cradling the crock pot ladle
Warning: All around expensive, preening, jerks that bite and kick. They’re also soulless and smelly.
14. White beach sand
Warning: It, like, gets EVERYWHERE. Sand is not suitable for building a house upon. Avoid sand.
15. Little League Baseball
Warning: Participation in sports can result in competitive young lads, produce team-working skills and instill no-quitter attitudes.
It may also cause concussions, broken bones and hurt feelings.
16. Backyard swing sets
Warning: Feelings of weightless delight may result in accidental head injuries, lost flip-flops and painful splinters.
17. Ted Talks
Warning: So. Much. Evil.
Warning: Makeup creates a false sense of beauty, pigment, eyelashes and contour. Love yourself the way you are!
19. Ball-point pens
Warning: Pens are often used to write Dear John Letters, sign divorce papers and put eyes out. Sigh, nothing is safe anymore.
Warning: Air sometimes creates tornadoes, messy hair and can also explode car tires. Always use air with extreme caution.
Warning: These are tasty, yet deceptive, yellow-bellied fish that often result in confusion and swearing.
“That totally felt like a bass! Dang-nabbit!” - Every fisherman at least 100 times in their life
22. Homemade maple syrup
Warning: The tree tapping process is a total time waster that teaches you about patience and hard-work.
Sugary syrup can also be a problem for diabetics.
23. Play-off hockey
Warning: The run to the Cup can cause high-blood pressure, violence, loss of feeling in the face and result in spendy marriage counseling.
“I just don’t know what happened, counselor. I mentioned something about liking my new black socks and he thought I said that I liked the Blackhawks. Then all heck broke loose!” - Cynthia, a very upset suburban housewife
24. The 1828 Merriam-Webster Dictionary of the English Language
Warning: When people learn the real meanings of words, they could rise up in angry Revolutionary War style revolts—1776!
Tea is temporary; words are eternal.
Warning: Kittens have sharp claws and even sharper minds—do not underestimate them.
“Mee-ow?” - Pantera, the Hellcat
Now it’s your turn to boldly go where no one has spread warning labels before!
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