Roses are Dead, Violets are, too: A Singles Valentine's Day Guide for You
By: Naomi J. Myrick, Decals.com Staff Writer
If “table for one” is all you can come up with this February, then this article is for you. And I’m not going to say, don’t worry, you’re not alone, because, let’s face it, you are very much alone.
That is totally okay though. In this guide, you’ll learn some neat ways to enjoy flying solo on Valentine’s Day.
Here we (mostly just you) go!
Chapter One: How Movies Can Help You Figure Out Why You're Single
Love isn’t just in the air; it is ON the air! From red roses and pink hearts plastered all over the morning news, to the slew of Rom Coms airing every two hours, IT is everywhere. But movies can also give you answers to, “Why am I single?
Films are just scripted human nature — action and reaction. And while Hollywood flicks usually have better-looking casts and locations, the archetypes and literary devices remain the same. They’re all deeply-rooted in the human psyche. Let’s take an introspective look at two films that focus on human interaction.
Either version (1960 or 2006) of this movie goes to the extremes in the Art of Taking Advantage of People. It offers comical, yet downright lousy advice when it comes to relationships. Don’t be like these jerks. You’ll lose out on something great!
So, ask yourself some questions: Did you get some Dr. P style advice from an older dip-@%$& sibling and take it seriously? IS it you, and not her? Also, don’t go stealing girlfriends!
DON'T BE SHALLOW. This film encompasses the late 90s / early 2000s emphasis on fraudulent pretenses and beauty being in the eye of the beholder. It also focuses on accidental romantic love, and both things hardly occur together organically in real life.
Trying to be someone you are not is quite possibly the most unattractive thing you could do.
If you think about it, it is a form of fraud. Sure, wearing contacts instead of glasses and generous amounts of self-tanner (guilty) are a quick fix to make you feel better. Okay, but don’t alter your personality just to make somebody like you. Prom Queen is overrated.
Chapter Two: How Being By Yourself Saves Cash
According to the Department of Labor and Statistics, the average household spends over $3,000 dining out and about $5,200 for food at home annually. To inflation-and-beyond!
The takeaway, besides taxes, is that being single can be pretty darn cost-effective! This is especially true around gift-oriented holidays. It is overall a lot cheaper taking yourself on a shopping spree, or going out to the movies alone, etc. You are the captain on a non-stop, round-trip flight to an inexpensive, but good time!
Another thing to think about in the long-term is that divorce is expensive. So staying single is a great way to ensure you won’t lose half your stuff (communal property states in the United States), entire home or have to pay out large legal sums.
One more thing on moola; Dogs are a lot cheaper than people. Plus, barks are not the same as hurtful and judgmental words. While we’re at it, a typical man’s best friend eats just one type of food, so expensive dinners are off the table — quite literally. I buy my own three hounds premium, all-natural, high-protein dog food and it comes to about $650 annually.
Chapter Three: Solo Activities For The Gents
Gents, try these activities on February 14th in honor of St. Valentine and OG gang violence in Chicago, IL.
Danger! What’s better than voluntarily falling out of an airplane pretending to be 007 over Soviet Russia? Who knows, maybe there’s a look-alike Ursula Andres waiting on the ground. Sea-shells?
More danger, but with ropes! You’re now James Bond at Verzasca dam a la Goldeneye, infiltrating the enemy! Good luck with Xenia.
Danger that could possibly devour you in a tree, over the course of a few days. Perfect. Don’t be a lion, kill one. Being dangerous is cool, Dr. P had that one right.
Being alone with your thoughts
Wait, how did this get in here?
Who's keeping score now? YOU ARE.
Chapter Four: Solo Activities For The Ladies
Single ladies! Celebrate February 14th in honor of Roman Emperor Claudius the II and Pope Gelasius.
Reruns of The Bachelorette
Think about it. Why was your ex-boyfriend so eager and willing to watch The Bachelor or Dancing With The Stars: Disney Night? Hint: It wasn’t about Jim finding love or ballroom dancing. Touche’ and well played, Brad!
Book your stressed self a much-needed spa package. The beauty — besides you of course, gorgeous — of this is that unlike couple massages — that are just awkward — you can be as friendly with Ricardo the masseuse as is legally acceptable.
Hunting Deals Like a Lioness
No one is out shopping on Valentine's Day, except for crappy boyfriends and cheating husbands that forgot about it all. Take advantage of small lines and clearance chocolate!
Valentine’s Day Cards with a Vengeance
Sometimes, catharsis can help untangle that ball of emotional necklaces. I don’t suggest doing this one in email because of the trail of evidence, wine and the Send button. Instead, write out your feelings as if you were going to present a black Valentine’s card to that un-special someone.
Chapter Five: A Few Bonuses of Being Single
Loneliness is like thirst as you float in the sea. But small insights can be your desalination system. Look into and after yourself, single flamingo!
Oh, and remember, being alone can rock! Singles have more sleep, fun and (disposable) income than their married, child-bearing counterparts. Belly full of lobster, scotch all rounded out with a flavorful cigar. In bed alone by 10pm never felt so good.
I’d be remiss in my Decals.com staff writing duties if I didn’t tell you that you should forget flowers. Your significant other wants an endless stream of custom stickers of your beautiful face. Or you could be super sweet and make your own custom candy labels. Aww.